Today, nature sided with my mood -- we clouded over, let ourselves be dark and released our inner frustrations.

SO tired of the lack of sleep due to treatments.
Tired of IVs.
. . . of CF being my life and definition.
. . . of being asked a million and one questions.
. . . of being sick on special occasions or my birthday.
. . . of temporary wellness.
. . . of living in limbo.
. . . of having barely enough time to take a shower.
. . . of constantly ordering supplies and booking appointments.
. . . of ALWAYS doing physio, that doesn't even seem to work anymore.
. . . of feeling like a 24-year-old trapped in the body of an 90-year-old.
. . . of being infantilized.
. . . of people telling me I don't look or act sick (though it is flattering).
. . . of being bored. 
. . . of exercising three times a week with (mostly) ex-smokers three times my age.
. . . of feeling unplugged.
. . . of being dependent on others.


There. Vent complete. And before I get a thousand e-mails, concerned looks, pats on the back and phone calls -- no, this isn't depression, it's just called being annoyed and frustrated for 1/5th of the day. Which I'm allowed. Feel it, express it, and then move on.